Mixed feelings
by Calleigh's little girl
Summary: When someone wants revenge from Hotch and he loses the two persons he loved most,it takes him all his strength to solve the case.Especially when he begins to question his feelings for one of his agents...Please R&R!
1. Grief

**Discs.: I don't own Criminal Minds nor the characters!**

**A/N: This is the rewritten version of the first chap of "Mixed feelings"...**

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1. Grief

The team was on the way back from working on a case in Indianapolis. While Reid, Gideon, JJ and Morgan were getting some sleep, Hotch and Elle were talking quietly.

His cell phone started ringing and after a moment he answered the call.

"Hotchner," he listened silently while all color vanished from his face.

When he hung up the phone, he let his head drop. Elle made a worried look at Hotch and after hesitating for a short moment she stated:

"Hey Hotch, is something wrong?"

He lifted his head and glanced at her.

"Haley had a car accident."

"How is she?"

"She's still in surgery..."

"What's with Jack?" Elle asked as an afterthought.

Hotch flinched, nonetheless he replied:

"He died instantly after the accident..." He trailed off and let his head hang again.

"God, I'm so sorry, Hotch...If there's anything I can do..." They locked eyes and he forced a small smile on his lips.

The next few minutes passed in silence, and then Hotch looked at her and said:

"Listen Elle, there's really something you could do for me." He paused for a moment making sure that he had her complete attention, and then he continued, "Do me a favor and don't tell anyone...I..." Hotch trailed off.

"Okay, I understand and trust me I won't tell anyone..."

It pained her to see Hotch suffering like this. She knew that his family meant everything to him and therefore she wasn't sure how she could ease his pain or if there was actually a way to help him.

Back at Quantico:

Hotch got only the important stuff from his office then he hurried to leave for the hospital. Before the doors of the elevator were able to open, Elle approached him.

"Where are you going?" Hotch asked after they had both entered the elevator and the doors had closed.

"I'm going to bring you to the hospital." Elle looked at him.

"Excuse me, what did you say?!" An angry expression appeared on his face.

"I think you shouldn't drive right now."

"I can take care of myself, you got that?! I don't need..."

"I know." Elle interrupted, "I know that you can take care of yourself, but still it wouldn't be a good idea if you drove by yourself."

Elle gave him a stubborn glance.

"Fine, I don't have time for discussing this with you." Hotch said surrendering. The truth was he simply hadn't the energy to argue with Elle at the moment.

_At the hospital:_

When they finally arrived at the hospital, Hotch was told that Haley had died during surgery.

While Hotch went to say good-bye Elle stayed in the waiting-area.

A few minutes later Hotch came back and simply stated: "Let's go."

"You're sure?" They locked eyes for a moment then he nodded and they left.

_At Hotch's place:_

"You want to come in?" Hotch asked, his voice lacking its usual strength.

He knew that Elle would have asked him if she could or should come in anyways. The fact that he offered her to come in gave him at least the illusion of being in control of the situation.

Elle smiled softly at him, and then they went inside.

"Are you really sure you want to stay here, and not at my place or a hotel?"

They looked at each other.

Hotch nodded and replied: "Yeah, I'm sure."

_Half an hour later:_

Hotch and Elle were sitting in the living-room, totally quiet.

"Um, are you hungry, Hotch? I could make something to eat or we could order something..." Elle offered.

"No, I'm not hungry, but thank you anyway."

"Okay..." Elle smiled softly.

"Well, it's already quite late so I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work."

Hotch stated after another moment of silence.

"You want to work tomorrow?!" Elle looked surprised at him.

"Yes, I can't just sit around doing nothing. I have to work, keeping myself occupied if I don't want to fall apart."

"Hotch..."

"Elle, you should really go now. You need to get some sleep..."

"Hotch, I'm not tired and furthermore I don't want you to be alone at the moment."

"Listen Elle, I'm only going to say this once. Go, just leave me alone! I don't need your pity, you got that?!" Hotch yelled and glared at her.

"First of all, this has nothing to do with pity okay? I'm just worried about you. I mean, I know that your family meant the world to you. I see how you're suffering and it hurts..."

"Stop profiling me, Elle!" Hotch yelled even louder than before.

"I don't have to be a profiler to see that the loss of your family is getting to you." She looked sadly at him.

"Elle, I want you to leave right now!" Hotch shouted at her.

They locked eyes for a moment.

"Okay...But if you need anything or simply want some company, feel free to call, alright?"

Hotch only nodded. Then Elle left.

After the door had closed Hotch let out a heavy sigh. He knew it had been wrong to yell at Elle, but he just needed some time on his own...

Not much later Hotch got up. He went to the kitchen to get something to drink.

When he got back to the living room, Hotch wondered what he should do now. He couldn't believe that Haley and Jack were gone.

A moment later he went upstairs. As he entered the bedroom he saw Jack's favorite teddy bear lying on the bed. He picked it up and sat down. Jack had only been a bit more than six months old. It was just not fair!

God, he and Haley had still had so many plans...Yet it had always been the same. They had set a date, but then he was called in to work, and they had to change plans; now it was too late!

Tears were running down his face, he was relieved that he was alone and that no one would see him cry.

A few minutes later, after his tears had subsided, Hotch decided at least to get some sleep before he needed to get back to work.

_Tbc_

**A/N: Hope this version was better than the first one!**


	2. Worry

**Discs.: I don't own CM nor its characters!**

**A/N: Here is finally chapter 2! Hope you are going to like it!**

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Mixed feelings

_2. Worry_

When Hotch woke up the next morning he thought for a moment that everything had been just a dream - a real bad nightmare...He got up, dressed in a dark-grey suit, darkblue-white-striped tie and a white shirt and went downstairs. It took him only a few seconds to realize that the events of the last twenty-four hours had been real - Haley and Jack were dead.

He let out a heavy sigh, made himself a coffee and twenty minutes later he left for the office.

_At the office :_

Hotch grimaced when he remembered the giant pile of paperwork which waited for him on his desk. He went directly to his office and let out a sigh when he looked at his desk then he started to work.

_One hour later, bullpen :_

A blond woman entered the room and went straight to Morgan, who was talking with JJ and Reid.

"Excuse me..."

Morgan turned around and looked - as well as the others - at the woman and said :

"Can I help you?"

"Uh, yeah...I'm searching for Aaron Hotchner..."

Morgan smiled and told her :

"He is in his office."

He showed her the direction.

"Thanks." She went to the office and knocked against the door.

_Meanwhile :_

Hotch was finishing his report of the Miller-case, which they closed the day before, when he heard a knock against his door.

"Yeah?"

The door opened and revealed Haley's sister.

"Come in..."

She closed the door and walked up to Hotch's desk.

"What's the matter?"

"You are working?! How can you dare? Haley and Jack just died and you..."

"You don't need to tell me that - they were my family..."

"She was my _sister_!" Jessica yelled.

"Yeah, and my wife...I loved her!"

"Still you are here at your office..."

"Get out of here!"

Hotch was angry as hell and got up. He went to the door, opened it and ordered :

"Just leave, Jessica!" He glared at her.

Jessica surrendered, but kept shaking her head. Hotch went to the others.

"Where's Elle?"

He looked at his colleagues.

"She isn't in, yet." Reid stated.

"I see that - so _where _is she? - Elle is _never _late...And today she is already over an hour late!"

"Who was this woman by the way?"

"Haley's sister..."

Hotch turned and went back to his office. As soon as he had closed the door, he pulled out his cell phone and dialled Elle's number. But his call went straight to voice-mail so he left a message for her :

"Hey Elle. It's me, Aaron...I'm not sure what is keeping you from showing up at the office, but I'm getting worried...Please, give me a call when you get this message."

After he hung up he left out a heavy sigh. He only hoped that Elle was okay. He kept telling himself that everything was alright with his colleague. Still he was incapable to shake off the worry he felt for her. He was interrupted in his train of thought by a knock against his door.

"Yeah?"

JJ opened the door and told him that they had a new case.

_At the scene :_

The victim had obviously been executed. He had been often arrested for dealing with drugs, he had been involved into rape cases and other stuff.

"Agent Hotchner?"

A cop approached them.

"Yeah?"

Hotch turned to him.

"We found this next to the body - well, it has your name on it..."

The cop handed Hotch a DVD. Written on it was 'To Agent Hotchner'.

_Back at the office, conference room :_

The team had decided to check what was on the DVD. When they saw first images of the video shock was written on their faces.

_Tbc_

**A/N: Hope you liked it so far - please take the time to REVIEW!!**


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